Welcome to the journey. The search and discovery between effort and ease. It is something that not only do I practice myself, but also teach my students.
On Sunday morning, I wake at BW hospital in Boston. Having been a patient since Thursday afternoon. Trying to figure out why I have become so sick with debilitating nausea. Scared, panicked, unwell. My family takes care of me.
Since being admitted, am beginning to feel better about how to manage my unexplainable terrible symptoms. Nausea while eating, nausea after eating and very dizzy. When you hear the expression, "Your health is everything," I believe it truly is. While pursuing some sort of diagnosis, I am practicing being calm and peaceful and certainly being very kind to those you help me. It comes down to the basics. Rest, managing symptoms and trying to eat.
"Your health is everything."
Why is this happening? Why am I here? My life, family, my work teaching, everything flipped.....no ease....no findings... lots of meds..grateful for some relief. However, with the med’s there are side effects. I've always wanted to be a med free person, but with current state I had little choice.
In order to bring back a sense of ease even during the most challenging moments has been the use of my breathing and practicing meditation.....separation of the pain and nausea from who I really am. When practiced....this seems to make me feel at ease and wear a blacked out eye mask is so helpful.
Having an MRI or CT scan is a great place to test your practice. To really see if you have the tools to turn inward. With my delight even through the nausea, I found my tools in my own personal shed during those tests.
Personally, I am not a big fan of any medication, but when you need relief in dire times, I will try. I fought that for a bit because I was stuck in the thinking mind. On Instragram and FB I posted “Everything is temporary”. Peace, effort, joy, calm, pain and suffering.
I question myself and ask “how can I quiet the mind” what tools have I acquired from the trainings, workshops, a zillion books and videos, etc.. yes, I have a huge amount of material to pull from, but the only one that comes back to me is breathe work. There is so much to explore in the way we breathe, how the effects all systems of f the body.Our minds are superpowerful. They can and are richly filled with memories, and over scheduled with future plans or your thoughts can push you into a state of distress and despair. Practice staying present, calm and breathe. Even those spaces in between the next moment is presence. Calm breathe, deep breathe, filling up and emptying out is a tool that we all have and can share.
"There is so much to explore in the way we breathe, how the effects all systems of the body."
Prior to become so unwell, I came to an understanding that everything in my life was too full and I had to say no to the “extras”. Seeking balance between effort and ease.
Another tool to use is turning inward and listen. yet not feed the mind with negative thinking. The mind and gut have a very close relationship. Practicing, breathing in calm, breathing out calm. Breathing in thoughts and exhaling out thoughts. A lesson learned: you are not your thoughts... you are not your pain.
As the changes started come, which was very hard to. The voice inside of me wants to be full, but my body is saying, "STOP. Heal yourself first. Heal yourself first."
Why fill your time? What are the benefits in that way of living? I will continue to modify my schedule and ease back into life, but saying no to the extras and finding calm during nausea is my new journey .
Putting worry aside; I have the month of July to take care of me and get back on track. Seeking the balance between effort and ease is my life’s work.